Mark L. Feinsod

So, the World Cup is now over.  I’m really sad about this, because it impacted so many things in such positive ways.  The common cold is finally cured.  The BP oil spill has now been cleaned up.  The global economy is suddenly booming.  Poverty has been eradicated.  Human trafficking is no longer an issue.  T-Mobile customer service doesn’t completely suck anymore.

But seriously.  A bunch of overpaid twentysomethings with IQs on par with George W. Bush run back and forth for ninety minutes, and the whole world goes nuts.

I was having a couple of slices of Grandma’s Pizza in a place called Maffei Pizza on 22nd Street in Manhattan yesterday during the late afternoon, when some people came in as they joyously sang the ole, ole! song.  I asked them why they were singing Hot, Hot, Hot, and they informed me that, no, actually Spain had just beaten the Netherlands to win the World Cup.  So I did what any self-respecting New Yorker would do.

I text messaged a Dutch friend of mine with the message, Viva España!

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In this week’s installment of the podcast, we read a piece of listener mail from one of our regular listeners, and Goldy talks about one of the first trips he ever took to Brooklyn after her moved to New York.

I’m actually really happy with the sound quality of the podcast this month.  This is mainly because I’ve finally figured out how to use our fancy new podcasting equipment.

You can revel in its auditory glory by listening here and at SelfAbsorbed.me, and subscribing in iTunes.

As always, please tell friends to spread the word.  And write reviews and rate us in iTunes.

You’ll be doing your part for world peace.

If you live in New York, you're aware of how hot it was yesterday.  It felt like the middle of August, when you take a shower and immediately start sweating again before you can towel off and get dressed.

When I started to grouse about this to an older gentleman with whom I was carrying on a conversation, he was kind of dismissive about it.  That's one of the problems with talking to old people.  You can never impress them.  Whatever you say, they've got a story that can beat it.

This brings up a slightly larger point.  I hate it when you tell somebody about something that happened to you, then that person spins a yarn that tops your tale to such a large degree that you either don't believe it or you just wish they'd shut up and let you finish whatever it is you're saying without interrupting.  Because it's so self-centered and rude of people to make every conversation take a left turn so that it's about them.  When it so obviously should be about me.

You saw a burning truck on the side of the road, and braved the flames to rescue the driver?  Your grandfather probably had the same thing happen, but he put the fire out just by staring at it with such intensity that the flames got scared.

You once won $10,000 in Las Vegas?  That's nothing.  Your boss once won $1 million, and the casino gave him an extra $2 million just because he was such a hard-ass.  And charming.

The other day, I was mulling over how fortunate I am to have dated such beautiful, interesting women over the course of my life.  But then I listened to the episode of Marc Maron's WTF podcast wherein he interviews Margaret Cho, and she talked about the orgies she had with porn stars.

Then I just had to call my therapist, to get all kinds of straightened out.

But as for the heat, I was talking to somebody who's much older than I am and he was unimpressed by our little 89 degree heatwave.  He could not only recall blistering, drought-inducing heat in December, but also snow in July.  And gale-force hurricanes in August.

This annoyed me so much that I kicked his cane out from under him, and grabbed his wallet while he was doubled over in pain on the sidewalk.  Then I went and got myself a peach-strawberry smoothie as he writhed in agony.

That'll teach him to talk to strangers.

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In this week's episode of the podcast, Goldy tells a story that can't be topped.  It involves bee stings and penises, and I don't want to give away much more than that.  You can stream the show at SelfAbsorbed.me and subscribe in iTunes.

As always, please tell friends and help to spread the word.

And if you write a review and rate us, we will give you a personal shout-out on the podcast.  Seriously.  No fooling.  Thanks.