In this week’s podcast alert, I considered writing the entire missive in capital letters and including some sort of lame urban myth that was disproved in 2003 or so. I was going to title the message, National Imitate Chain Emails from Your Parents Day. But then I got worried about copycat behavior. What if I spawned an entire army of imitators? Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if thousands of technologically inept elderly people wasted the valuable time of the rest of us by sending out useless information via electronic mail?
The mind reels.
I don’t mean to disparage elderly people here. Why, just last night I went to my local gym so I could swim laps for exercise. The friendly, helpful high school dropouts who serve as lifeguards and work in the administration there had thoughtfully roped off six lanes so that an exercise class could be held. I thought it was delightful that the rest of us had to swim four to a lane so a bunch of geriatrics could bob up and down gently while some faux instructor encouraged them to keep it up.
I was waiting for somebody to wheel in a refreshment cart with chocolate-covered jelly rings and warm ginger ale so that the participants in the class could refresh themselves after their athletic endeavors.
But I had to check myself. Someday, I’ll be old. And some youngster will be viewing me through the same self-important eyes through which I viewed the exercise class. But there’s one way that I’ll be different from today’s old people.
I plan to control an army of mercenaries so that I can take over the world’s natural resources, and use them for my own nefarious purposes. Which include enslaving the rest of humanity, and forcing the entire world to do my evil bidding.
***********
In this week’s podcast, Goldy tells a story about a recent encounter he had on the subway with a crazy person. Since everybody knows that there are no more problems with the mentally ill and the homeless in New York thanks to the deity-like reigns of Mayors Giuliani and Bloomberg, listening to the most recent show is like taking a little step back into time.
You can listen here and on SelfAsborbed.me, and subscribe in iTunes. And as always, our most sincere thanks for helping to spread the word about the podcast.
See you at the swimming pool.
The mind reels.
I don’t mean to disparage elderly people here. Why, just last night I went to my local gym so I could swim laps for exercise. The friendly, helpful high school dropouts who serve as lifeguards and work in the administration there had thoughtfully roped off six lanes so that an exercise class could be held. I thought it was delightful that the rest of us had to swim four to a lane so a bunch of geriatrics could bob up and down gently while some faux instructor encouraged them to keep it up.
I was waiting for somebody to wheel in a refreshment cart with chocolate-covered jelly rings and warm ginger ale so that the participants in the class could refresh themselves after their athletic endeavors.
But I had to check myself. Someday, I’ll be old. And some youngster will be viewing me through the same self-important eyes through which I viewed the exercise class. But there’s one way that I’ll be different from today’s old people.
I plan to control an army of mercenaries so that I can take over the world’s natural resources, and use them for my own nefarious purposes. Which include enslaving the rest of humanity, and forcing the entire world to do my evil bidding.
***********
In this week’s podcast, Goldy tells a story about a recent encounter he had on the subway with a crazy person. Since everybody knows that there are no more problems with the mentally ill and the homeless in New York thanks to the deity-like reigns of Mayors Giuliani and Bloomberg, listening to the most recent show is like taking a little step back into time.
You can listen here and on SelfAsborbed.me, and subscribe in iTunes. And as always, our most sincere thanks for helping to spread the word about the podcast.
See you at the swimming pool.
RSS Feed